Sunshine & Rainbows

Sunshine & Rainbows
Tessa machen model

Hope your week is going well. I took the day off today and haven't taken a personal day just for me in a very very very long time. When is the last time you scheduled it on your calendar? Color-coded it? lol If it is not color coded then I don't feel organized enough. Anyone else like this? 

I wanted to do a blog post that was a little bit more personal and met someone last night that reaffirmed that I wanted to write this post. I love that I have a platform that I can write to you all literally about anything and hope that you will interact with me through comments and such. My favorite part of my business is interacting with people- 200%. 

Father's day is coming up on Sunday and of course, has me feeling all kinds of mixed emotions and thinking of my past. I met someone last night whose mother committed suicide due to mental illness and it had been such a rollercoaster for her that her passing was not much of a shock. Heartbreaking of course but over the years she was accustomed to the behavior of her mother and learned to create a boundary between the tug/pull of dealing with mental illness. I can relate. 

I personally had a period in my life where I hit rock bottom and depressed so I understand mental illness and know that it's treatable, manageable and ok to not always be at top of your game all the time. That period years ago, allowed me to lean on my faith and friends- at that time, that is all I had.  I allowed current situations and people to have way too much control of my self-worth. A mix of insecurities and not creating healthy boundaries for myself. I could say I was around the wrong crowd, dating someone who lied, cheated and manipulated but I have learned that when you point your finger-- it always comes back to you. I do not play the victim card anymore and if I feel myself feeling sorry for myself then I do self-talk, workout, FaceTime a friend etc. Ain't no one got time for that- once you start that victim feeling, it is a snowball effect. Can you relate to this? 

So, what do I mean? You are in control of your life and have to learn who "you" really are- not what your parents are wanting you to be or what you see on tv but really digging in and finding out what you want out of this life,  your purpose & not caring what others think. Part of me will always want people to like me but over the years, I have gained an internal confidence & understanding that I am ok if someone does not like me and I am more trusting of timing and that we are all on different paths & have different perspectives. I am so independent that I could literally be myself 24/7 and be ok but let's be honest- that is not a good balance. I love my family, friends and hope to marry the most wonderful man that I can spoil and love with everything. Can't leave out being a mom- even though I do not have a good relationship with my mom, I will use the amazing things she and my dad have taught me to hopefully raise the most beautiful child that does incredible things with their life. 

The point of all this is- you have to let your past be your past. Just because my father is no longer with me & my mom and I do not speak- does not give me a crutch to feel like a victim and to pity myself. Do I have days where I feel alone or my heart hurts when I see a mom/daughter having lunch together- absolutely. I have trained myself to feel emotions but I have 50 more thoughts behind that negative one that keeps me going. If you are possibly in a state where you can't just let go of the past or not accepting a tragic change then I hope I can be some sort of support for you. With the news of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain- it is clear that people are suffering and hope that possibly this post is helping someone realize that we are not alone.... there are people that will support you and if you do not have anyone at this moment that does- YOU have to have faith in God or whatever your belief is that you are here for a reason. 

I hope this post can apply to some situation in your life and also hope you enjoy getting to know me more as well. It is not all sunshine and rainbows but I have learned to create my own rainbows. Constantly learning to let go of what I cannot control and to live every day with intention, gratitude and always wanting to live a life of full transparency & truth- that is absolutely true freedom. I can feel it... 

Would love to hear from you below in the comments or feel free to e-mail me at Love & Light.